I stand corrected.

From the day of his birth, my little boy has challenged me.  Challenged me with his behavior, with his inquisitive conversations and in the game of Uno or Monopoly.  Let’s just say that he likes to have the last word.  At everything.  I could not imagine where he has inherited this trait from.  Certainly not from me! (wink, wink.)

Like all good parents, I have consistently, emphatically told both of my children, from the day the exited the womb, that no matter what, they could become anything they wanted to be.  ANYTHING!    When they were wee little ones, they loved hearing that from me.  “You mean I can become a professional four square player if I wanted to?”  Yup, you certainly can!  I would always follow-up with discussions about hard work, determination, setting goals and of course, college.  More than anything, I want my boys to graduate from college.  Maybe because I never did, and we all know that parents want more for their children.

Last week, while driving somewhere to something, we once again started talking about the future, what interests they had this week, as they often change!  I, being the good Mom that I am, told my boys that the “future is yours.  Yours to choose.  You can be anything you desire, become ANYTHING you want!”

My youngest little smarty pants interrupted me and said, “I really wish you would stop saying that all of the time.  It is not true.  We cannot be anything in the world.  We can’t!”  Here is the rest of our conversation that took place:

ME: “Of course you can!  The world is in your hands.  You can be anything!”

BOY: “Mom, that is a lie.  Not true!”

ME:  “Why would you say that?  With hard work and determination, you can!  You can be anything you want to be!

BOY:  “I can’t become the Queen of England.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, because clearly, he cannot become the Queen of England.  He made sure to add that “of course, I would not want to be, but I am trying to prove my point.”

So, I am guessing maybe a lawyer?

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Thanks, Mohammed Ali!

I try very hard to encourage my children to explore different things.  Whether it is singing in a choir, signing up to be a part of a group that reads to younger students or joining a team, I am all for it.  I love when they try something new or different and discover something about themselves.  That is why this next conversation is particularly heart warming to me.

Conversation between me and Boy # 2:

Boy#2 : “Guess what Mom?  I am going to try out to be a part of the Black History Bee at school!  I have all sorts of facts to study about famous black people and what they contributed.”

ME: “Good for you!  I am proud of you!  I would be happy to help you study!  It will be fun!  Way to go!  That’s what straight A students do!  They learn and learn and learn!  That is also what kids do that want to go to UW Madison!”  (see * below)

Boy#2: “Yeah, Madison is pretty much why I signed up.  That is basically the main reason.”

ME: “Really?  Well, what is the other reason?”

Boy #2 “Mohammed Ali.”

God, I love that kid!  He is quirky and funny and inquisitive.  He is perfect!  And he is mine!

* When my boy was about 4 years old, we went to Madison for the weekend.  We walked around the Capital, we went to the Farmers Market and we went to a UW Madison hockey game.  He fell in love with Bucky Badger and from that day on, UW Madison has been his college of choice.  Now, he is only 10 years old, and we DO NOT push him in any particular direction, but we have stressed to him that in order to get accepted into UW Madison, you need to have really good grades.  We have also stressed that it is important to keep involved with extra curricular activities.   Whatever it takes…

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Forgive me….

“Forgive me, for it has been 47 days since my last blog post…”

I know, the two things that should never be discussed; religion and politics.  I am going to anyway!

I am taking a religion class, and I love it.  Being someone who was not raised with a religion per say, I was quite apprehensive about this particular class.  Or shall I say, more apprehensive than usual!  The class is Understanding World Religion, and boy, was I ignorant!  I think most Americans are, and I don’t mean that as an insult.  There are so many stereotypes and misunderstandings when it comes to religion.  I am just as guilty as most.

Our first religion covered was Judaism and this one was by far my favorite.  It may have something to do with our guest speaker who was a middle-aged woman named Amy.  She was infectious and so knowledgeable about Judaism.  Her father was a rabbi.   She is someone who I would just love to sit and talk to for hours!  The class time went by so fast and everything that she explained about her religion and beliefs just made sense to me.  It felt, well, right.  The first words out of her mouth; “We are Jews.  They tried to kill us.  Many times.  We survived.  Let’s eat!”  Sounds good to me!  After the unit on Judaism, I called my Mom and said, “are you sure we are not Jewish, because I think I am?”  My brother  just loved that!  He proceeded to tease me about this and told me he was going to buy me a dreidel and then next Christmas while they were all opening Christmas presents, I could go in the corner and spin my dreidel.  He assured me that it might not look good to declare myself Jewish, with exception to the month of December, then all deals were off!  Whatever.  That is what brothers do, I guess, even when we are in our forties!  I can assure you that should I ever decide to convert to Judaism,  being Christian one month out of the year would not be something I would do, not even for the presents!

One of the Jewish principles that has really struck a chord with me is something I learned that was a teaching from an ancient Jewish scholar, Hillel.  Hillel the Elder taught from about 30 BCE to 10 CE, overlapping the life of Jesus.  One of Hillel’s duties was the delicate task of interpreting the Torah (Jewish “bible”) and apply the ancient scripture to a more modern-day understanding.   Hillel was known as a humble scholar that stressed loving relationships, good deeds and charity to the less advantaged.  His flexible interpretation of the Torah is this:

What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor:

that is the entire Torah; the rest is commentary; go and learn it.

~Hillel the Elder

How beautiful is that?  Just be nice!  Be kind, apply the Golden Rule to your life.  Simple.  Why is it so difficult for people, of all religions, to live this way?

After Judaism, we covered Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity and Islam.  Now, I know I will probably get a ton of backlash, negative comments, and general disdain about what I have to say about Christianity, but I am going to say it anyway.  Of all the religions that we have studied, the only one that made me cringe was Christianity.

We were required to come up with questions for all of our guest speakers.  One of the questions asked to each was “If I am not a Jew (or Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu) and I die, would I still get to go to heaven, your version of heaven (or be re-incarnated…) if your religion turns out to be the “right” one?”  Each of the religions, with he exception of Christianity, said YES.  If your live your life with kindness towards others, you have not murdered, you strived to be a good person, then yes, you will go to heaven or be re-incarnated.  You will have an afterlife.  When we asked the Christianity guest speaker the same question, the answer was NO.  You must follow Jesus.  That is the only way to get to heaven.  Now, here is where I have a problem with that.

Let’s say, for example, Joe Blow rapes children, and murders them, but he was also a practicing Christian.  When he is getting ready to die, he asks Jesus for forgiveness of his sins.  Jesus forgives him, and good ol’ Joe Blow now gets to go to heaven.  Now, take Jane Blow.  Jane Blow is agnostic.  She is not sure what she believes in, and cannot be sure that there is such a thing as heaven or a God for that matter.  Jane goes every weekend to a soup kitchen, feeds hungry kids, then reads to them and plays games.  Then, she goes to the humane society and walks homeless dogs and brings them treats.  She visits with the elderly, helps her  handicapped neighbor with yard work and does errands for him.  Jane lives every single day of her life with kindness towards others, with love in her heart.  She is honest, hardworking and has always been faithful to her spouse.  Jane dies, and does not go to heaven because she has not spent her life following Jesus?  Really?  It just does not add up for me, sorry. 

 I might also add that there are twenty people in my class.  Everyone has been incredibly respectful of our speakers and of all the religions.  Nobody was judgemental, with the excpetion of one person, a Christian.  She argued, she judged, she made faces, she let out loud sighs throughout each presentation.  She was rude.  It was her way or the highway, and she let everyone know.  She even had the audacity to email a classmate and tell him he was going to hell because his review of the movie “The Passion of the Christ” was less than stellar.  Mind you, this classmate’s mother is the head of the theology department and teaches many religion classes.  He is knowledgeable and had the guts to speak out about it, plus the meat to back it up.  Plus, one other interesting piece of information about my friend that thought The Passion of the Christ was a joke.  He was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school.  His mother, the head of the theology department, was also a Catholic her entire life.  When she went to continue her education and become a professor of religion, she left Christianity and Catholicism.  Guess what she is now?  A converted Jew.  I am just sayin’.

The class had opened my eyes to a lot of things in life.  As my friend said to me in class one night, (the one whose Mother converted to Judaism), we could all be wrong.  Who knows?  At the time of death, we may all realize that the Jehovah’s Witnesses have been right all along!

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Quick update…

The angels must have felt bad about the roof, the rain and all of the crying.  A few days passed, and I thought, maybe, just maybe, Lady Luck would be on my side for a change.  I am tellin’ ya, I rolled a hard eight!  Plugged the 46″ HD LCD TV in for a slight chance that all it needed was a few days to dry out.  Front line winner, chicken dinner!  Got a working TV!

Now, about that roof…

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So, this is Christmas….

One of my favorite Christmas songs.  Of course.  One can never go wrong with John Lennon.  Or the  Beatles for that matter.  Love them.

The Christmas season approached like a much dreaded doctors appointment.  You think it is so far away and then all of a sudden, you wake up and realize that the day is upon you, whether you like it or not, ready or not.  Christmas for me is a double edged sword.  I absolutely love spending time with family, seeing the excitement in my kids, but there is also the pang of the crazy amount of money spent, money that could have been used for other needed things. (Like a new roof….I will get to that!)  I try not to be scroogey, but when you have been unemployed for 6 months throughout the year, the extra “fun” money is not really there any more and what you used to spend on movies and pizza is now spent on the electric bill and milk.   Oh, well.  Our favorite phrase, when times are tough is “big picture…no one has cancer”  but that cannot be said anymore.

My uncle has cancer.  He is not an “old” uncle.  He is a youthful, maybe 60 if not 59 year old uncle.  He has hair down to the middle of his back and a beard just as long.  He plays rock and roll on his many guitars and has an affinity for really good music.  He also loves the Beatles,(my cousin was named after a Beatles song)  as well as Eric Clapton, playing the harmonica and expensive whiskey.  His sense of humor is legendary in our family and spending but one hour with him will have you laughing so hard, you will start to feel pain in your face!  He is a modern day “hippy” and one of the coolest guys you would ever want to know.

 Our family is no stranger to the nasty C.  Three of my grandparents had lung cancer, now my dad’s brother has been stricken with it.  He had a lung removed in October and the good news is, when there is good news with cancer, it has not spread.  It was contained in one lung and the removal of said lung has essentially removed the cancer.  Now, as a preventative, he is undergoing chemotherapy.  We went for a visit on Tuesday night.  He was getting another round of chemo the day before Christmas Eve and was going to spend his Christmas this year sick.  His attitude about it is so inspirational.  He laughed and expressed how grateful he was to be alive.  Although the chemo would make him sick on Christmas, he told us he was OK with that.  One year of being sick with chemo on Christmas, would make him have many more healthy Christmas seasons.   He joked about how vain people are.  When someone goes through chemo, they usually worry about their hair falling out.  Now, my uncle has a head of hair.  If I had to guess, he has not cut his hair in over 20 years.  And now, it is starting to fall out.  He laughed about it, and said “big deal…it is just hair.  Not like my arms or eyes are falling out!”   Not so sure if I could look at it like that if I were in his shoes.  I think that is why he is doing so well!   His attitude. He looks amazing and is handling everything so fantastic.  I am proud of him.

For the first time in a long time, I did not host Christmas Eve.  My mother in law wanted a turn as she has just remodeled her basement and was excited to have  a party!  At first I was a little hesitant to give up hosting duties.  It is one of the days of the year I look forward to fondly.  Only because I love to cook and bake and put out a spread that is quite impressive, if I do say so myself!   The whole family gets into the preparations and we all do our part.  Mr. T. puts together a fantastic bar area with everything from wine, assorted beer, our traditional snowflake martini’s as well as any other spirit that would suit your fancy!  The kids help with cleaning and decorating and we all make Christmas cookies so that we are able to put out a nice tray of them on the dessert table.   With me being in school now, and having a final on December 15th, I gave up being the hostess.  After it had sunk in, I was actually relieved!  It is a lot of work and a lot of cash to throw a Christmas party, and I was off the hook this year!

We went over to Mr. T.’s parents house about 4PM on Christmas Eve.  It had rained most of the day, and the snow on the ground was melting quickly, leaving the ground a soppy mess.  Forget about a white Christmas…how about a “wet” Christmas?  We had a great time, the kids as well as the adults, were spoiled!  By 10PM we were ready to come home and get on with our own traditions.  We walked in the door, happy and tired, with the kids chattering about how early they were going to get up.  I suddenly had a very sick feeling in my stomach.  We are no strangers to water trouble when it rains as long as it has the past day.  Remember this? Storms, sewers and Mikey the Plumber

Well, we walked in, I immediately went into the living room and was met with a puddle of water…on my 46″ HD LCD TV…all over my new TV console….alll over the floor…dripping from the ceiling….quickly.  I had to really control my emotions.  My instinct was to collapse to the floor and wail.  My kids were standing right there and the chattering quickly stopped.  The stood there in silence as they looked at me with genuine concern.  They sprang into action, grabbing towels.  My oldest boy that is quickly turning into a man, helped me try to sop everything up and move the console table and tv.  When Mr. T. came in from unloading the car, he just looked at me, and in his good natured way, said to me, “It is OK…it is going to be fine.”  Well, once we got the water cleaned up, the TV moved out of the way of Niagra Falls, and a few buckets placed to catch the water (and my tears!) along with many towels, we re-plugged in the 46″ HD LCD TV (that is one year old as of December 11th!)  AND……nothing.  The TV is dead.  Seems that when it rains, it pours, quite literally and we now have a blown out TV AND a leaky roof!  Merry Christmas!!

This is not new to us.  Since the day I got married, every single home we have ever lived in has has a leaky roof.  One of the reasons why I prefer snow to rain.  One of the reasons why when it does start to rain, I get a little panicky no matter where I am or what I am doing.  I despise the rain.   When we first bought this house, everything was “new.”  New Pella windows and patio doors, new remodeled kitchen, fresh paint on every wall and ceiling, new 6 panel doors, new central air, new flooring, and of course, a new roof.  Uh-huh.  A new roof.  Well, by the second year of living here, we noticed a stain on the living room ceiling.  It was gradual and there was never actual water that was visible, but a water stain.  Eventually the stain turned to wet plaster and we knew we had a problem.  We called a roofing company and made an appointment to have it looked at.  The professional roofer told us that our cedar shake siding on the dormers of our little cape cod were starting to warp and water was getting behind the shingles.  Sounded right to us.  We hired the roofer to come and caulk the cedar and we were assured that the caulk should take care of the problem.  Except it didn’t.  The next time the roofer was called the following spring, we were told that the cedar was rotting and needed to be replaced.  That surely would take care of the problem.  So, we hired a siding guy, had all of the cedar shake torn off the dormers (and the garage as well) and re-sided.  That is not cheap, in case you were wondering.  In fact, it is so expensive, that I am not even going to tell you how much it was because then someone will post a comment telling me how their uncle’s brother’s cousin does siding on the side and we could have probably had it done for half of what we paid, so I will save all of us a little heartache and not even tell you!  So, problem fixed, right?  WRONG! 

Once again, about a year later, the roof was leaking again, in the same place.  Our frustration turned into anger and we finally had a different roofer come out and look.  It just so happened that the day this roofer was coming, it was pouring out!  It did not damper him at all, and he put a ladder up to the dormer and within minutes showed me a rotten window sill in the dormer and showed me right where the rain was pouring in.  We were singing his praises because not only did he finally find the problem, he gave me the name and number of his buddy that did aluminum trim work.  We called the buddy, he quoted me a few hundred dollars to trim out the windows in aluminum.  YAY!  Answer to my prayers.  Windows were trimmed, caulked.  I fixed my lving room ceiling all by myself.  I researched repairing plaster, talked to some guys at Menards, bought my supplies and got to work.  I was so proud of my craftsmanship, that I actually considered going into the plaster and drywall trade.  For just a second!  Whenver anyone would come over, I would usher them over to the place in the ceiling and proceed to tell them that I repaired.  By myself.  With no  help from a man.  Everyone “oooohhhed” and “aaahhhhed” over my work and told me that it looked great!  We finally thought the end of the leaky roof nightmare was over.  Except it wasn’t.

That was one year ago.  Enter 2009 Christmas Eve.  Here we are, back to square one.  So, not only do I have about $8,000 invested (that is an estimate…remember, I am not telling you how much it was!) but I still have the problem that I started with.  I am defeated.  The rain and roof has won.  I don’t know what else to do, except have the entire roof ripped off and start completely over.  As my Dad would tell you, water travels and it is impossible to tell where the water is coming from.  Although it is leaking in the living room, it could quite possibly be leaking near the kitchen, and just traveling towards the lving room and that is where it is finding it’s entrance.  Like a slithering snake waiting to find a weak prey victim…

So, Merry Christmas to us!  We need a new TV, and a new roof.  If someone has any pull what-so-ever, please, please please ask God to make the rain stop!  Either that, or send us the winning Power Ball numbers.  I don’t know how much more I can take.  The bills are mounting, the rain is pouring and my TV does not work anymore.  And we cannot even say “big picture….nobody has cancer.”   Because someone does!  UGH!

I know it could always be worse.  I know my kids are healthy and strong.  I know I have my health.  I know I have an incredible husband that loves me more than words.  I know our parents are still here on earth.  I am grateful for all of those things, truly I am.  I feel blessed.   But dammit, I want to live in a dry house!   I want my TV back before American Idol starts in January!  I want the rain to stop.  I want the roof to stop leaking.  When my parents stopped over this morning to see the kids and all of their Santa loot, when we walked them into the living room to see not only our tree and the presents but also the leaky mess.  When I got a little teary eyed about it, my Dad gave me some advice.  He told me that it is not a big deal.  It is just a roof and a TV.  So what?  He proceeded to tell me to stop worrying about money.  Who cares about money?  “you never had it, you never will!  It is all a part of being a homeowner.”  Sound advice, but that still does not help me with the issue of not having a TV before American Idol starts! 

Merry Christmas, from our leaky, wet house to yours!  Enjoy your families!  Happy New Year!  May 2010 bring you happiness and health, dry houses and working TV’s! 

Feliz Navidad!  Mele Kalikimaka!  Nollaig Shona Dhuit! Buone Feste Natalizie!

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Whatever….

So, sue me.  I have totally slacked off on this blog of mine.  Thing of it is, school is kicking my big , fat arse!  Oh, and I got a job.  So, now I am a working, college student, wife and mother.  I don’t have time to do much else, but work, school, mother and wife!

I bumped into one of my advisors on campus on my way to class one night.  He asked how I was doing, and through my big, fake smile I told him “oh, I am doing OK.  But um, this school thing…boy, it sure is a lot of work.  I mean, 20 hours or more of homework a week?  Wow!”  His response?  “Ummm, remember, it is an accelerated program.”  Oh………..I see……

Boy, do I feel dumb!  I guess when they told me “accelerated”, I was thinking time wise, as in I will get done a lot quicker!  It never hit me that the material and class speed would be accelerated as well!  Huh…..

So due to me having a crazy amount of school work to keep up with along with my house desperately needing a good cleaning, bills that need to get paid, errands that need to get ran, groceries that need to be bought, I think I will just give some highlites!

~I got a job.  Yup.  A  real job.  Don’t get me wrong…that whole stay at home thing was a blast while it lasted.  I mean, I have almost 200 Facebook friends, I got an A in Spanish 101, I cleaned out the fridge several times and organized the cabinets.  The basement got new shelving units and all of my “stuff” got sorted and shelved.  But my bank account has dwindled.  considerably.  I needed to have a job that would allow me to continue to study all of these crazy hours, and still be a wife and mom.  So, I am now a….bartender.  Beer wench, as Mr. T. likes to say.  My friends own a few local  hot spots and they were kind enough to let me come aboard.  My hours are clutch and the pay is not too shabby!  It will work out fine until I graduate.  I feel old when I am there, especially when some of the other employees are twenty-one year old  hotties in skin-tight clothes, push up bras and layers of makeup.  Maybe I could be their mentor and tell them that the makeup will fade, the boobs will sag and before they can say “Sunday Absolut Bloody Mary with a Miller lite chaser” ten times, they will be forty years old and looking for something more.

~My parents were here for a visit and we loved every minute of it!  T here is nothing like coming home from work and seeing your Mom cooking in your kitchen!  My Mom’s pasta, homemade meatballs and sauce are one of our favorites and it has been a long time since we have been able to enjoy her Italian heritage!  Somehow, my Ragu out of the jar just pales in comparison!  I know, I know.  I need to learn!  I have tried, sauce is just not my strong point!  The other thing Mom made that was a huge hit is a Carmel Apple Cookie pizza!  Just like how it sounds…delish!  We polished that off with out a problem!  It was also my Mom’s birthday while they were here, so we celebrated with roasted beef tenderloin, baked potatoes,  steamed broccoli, garlic bread and salad.  Chuck and Ann brought fabulous desserts and we all had a nice time!

~I was the parent that poo-poo’ed the whole Swine Flu epidemic.  I thought the media was making everyone panic and it was a bunch of nonsense.  Well, then my boy started “oinking.”  He came down with a fever and a cough.  I took him to the doctor and sure enough.  He was swabbed, we waited the 10 minutes and our very much-loved pediatrician came into the exam room and stated, “well, this is his fifteen minutes of fame!  He is positive!”  My stomach just sank and I had to reach for the Kleenex box because I started to cry.  I felt horrible that I did not take it more seriously.  But no  harm done.  The doctor started him on Tamiflu immediately.  I brought him home, put him in his SpongeBob jammies and made the “sick couch” for him.  The sick couch is when I get out a sheet and cover the couch, bring down a pillow and blanket and get the afflicted family member tucked in for recovery!  By Saturday afternoon, he was fever free, and back to his spunky self.  Luckily, we were only down for a short time.  I have heard others in our area that have been sick for a week or more!

~My Boy #1 got a full mouth of braces on Friday.  He looks so adorable!  Eating has been a challenge for him due to his teeth being very sore.  We have made oatmeal, soup, pasta, mashed potatoes,  and whatever else he requested to try to make him more comfortable.  I think the worst is over and hopefully today will be the start of him getting back to normal!

~I have for the very first time in my life, started Christmas shopping!  I have a few gifts purchased and it feels so good!  I want to have a calm, relaxing holiday season and this early shopping can only help!  I found some great gifts and could  hardly pass up the sale price.  Now, I just have to remember that I have them and not forget about them hiding down the basement!  Christmas is only 55 days away!

~Although the whole cupcake thing has taken a backseat lately, I did manage to receive two large orders.  One order is for a retirement party in November, the other for a Christmas party!  I am going to be busy!  I love baking and I am glad that others enjoy the fruits of my labor!  It would be pretty awful to have so many cupcakes just sitting around my house.  Well, I guess not that awful!

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Now what?

The hammer came down yesterday.  I will not be going back to my place of employment.  The economy has not been kind to the real estate industry and there is no job there for me anymore.  I had, in the back of my mind, thought that this would be the case.  After all, you cannot squeeze water from a turnip, or something like that.  So, the search for a job has begun.

I sent out an email to my contact list, telling all of my friends that I needed a job.  I thought, it would not hurt to network a little, spread the word.  I had several responses from friends.  Some told me they would keep an ear out, some gave me some good ideas. 

Then my friend, Mom of 1 + 2, who is a regular reader of my blog and also a great friend,  sent the email that has caused me sleepless nights since I received it.   My friend is a department head in the advertising department of a major pharmacy chain.  She told me of an opening that was at her company and although it might be a long shot, she was the one to decide who would get an interview and I would be on her list.  She told me that I would be perfect for the job.  I am very detail oriented and I am a hard worker. The job is what many might consider a dream come true. Unbelievable pay, which I felt I was not worthy of (after all, I still don’t have a bachelors degree!) profit sharing, vacation time, 401K, insurance…all of the bells and whistles.

All good news, right?  Well, here is the bad part.  It is a commute.  Not twenty minutes, not a half hour, nope.  About an hour and fifteen minutes and that is on a day when traffic is pleasant and the weather is good.  My friend told me that there are days where it will take  her 2 hours to get home, especially in the winter months. Wow.  That is a lot of time in a car!

My initial reaction was, “I’ll take it, where do I sign?”  Then something popped into my head.  Two things actually.  Those two things are named Jordan and Collin, commonly refered to Boy #1 and Boy #2.  According to Mom of 1 + 2, I would have to leave my house by 6:00 -6:15 AM daily, on good weather days.  That would mean J and C were on their own in the AM to get ready for school, and get out the door on time. What if they overslept?  What if they did not feel well? What if they were fighting  and arguing?  What if it were raining or cold out?  All of these thoughts popped into my mind and I started to cry.  The thought of making my kids get themselves off to school in the morning hit a nerve with me.  I like being here in the morning, telling them to have a good day, making sure Collin’s  clothes match, making sure notes and lunches are in the backpacks.  I am a mom first.  I want to be a mom first.  I need to be a mom first.

I am so struggling with this decision, that I cannot sleep or talk about anything else.  I called my Mom and told her.  I constantly talk about it with Mr. T.  I need someone to tell me what to do.  Is a huge paycheck worth it?  Does a huge paycheck make up for the fact that my kids will be latch key kids?  Does the huge paycheck make up for the fact that I would only see my kids about 2 hours a day?  Does a huge paycheck make up for the fact that I will miss every single baseball game, football game and talent show at school? 

 I am struggling with this.  I need to make money, and thinking that I not only would be making money, but enough money to pay all of my bills, pay student loans, maybe add another bathroom on the second floor, put in a rec room basement, live the American Dream?  Is all of that worth the sacrifice of being around for my kids?  I am so conflicted.  What is the right thing to do?

At this point, I don’t know.  I need to work.  I need to make money, but I also need to be a great parent and raise my kids.  I only get one shot at that, right?  I surely don’t want to screw that up!  I know the rest of this week is going to be spent contemplating, discussing, crying, sighing and not sleeping.  How does a person say no to an opportunity like this?  How does a Mom take a job that is more accurately described as a career?  Why does this have to be so hard?  Why can’t I hit the Powerball?

I guess , for now, I have to look at it like this:  I am so lucky!  I have friends that think enough of me to consider me for a job like this.  I am so flattered!  Wow…me, a career woman?  I know this is a good problem to have.  I know there are people who have been looking for work for a long time, and most people would not think twice about a decision like this.  Thing of it is, I am not most people.

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