Now what?

Jump to Comments

The hammer came down yesterday.  I will not be going back to my place of employment.  The economy has not been kind to the real estate industry and there is no job there for me anymore.  I had, in the back of my mind, thought that this would be the case.  After all, you cannot squeeze water from a turnip, or something like that.  So, the search for a job has begun.

I sent out an email to my contact list, telling all of my friends that I needed a job.  I thought, it would not hurt to network a little, spread the word.  I had several responses from friends.  Some told me they would keep an ear out, some gave me some good ideas. 

Then my friend, Mom of 1 + 2, who is a regular reader of my blog and also a great friend,  sent the email that has caused me sleepless nights since I received it.   My friend is a department head in the advertising department of a major pharmacy chain.  She told me of an opening that was at her company and although it might be a long shot, she was the one to decide who would get an interview and I would be on her list.  She told me that I would be perfect for the job.  I am very detail oriented and I am a hard worker. The job is what many might consider a dream come true. Unbelievable pay, which I felt I was not worthy of (after all, I still don’t have a bachelors degree!) profit sharing, vacation time, 401K, insurance…all of the bells and whistles.

All good news, right?  Well, here is the bad part.  It is a commute.  Not twenty minutes, not a half hour, nope.  About an hour and fifteen minutes and that is on a day when traffic is pleasant and the weather is good.  My friend told me that there are days where it will take  her 2 hours to get home, especially in the winter months. Wow.  That is a lot of time in a car!

My initial reaction was, “I’ll take it, where do I sign?”  Then something popped into my head.  Two things actually.  Those two things are named Jordan and Collin, commonly refered to Boy #1 and Boy #2.  According to Mom of 1 + 2, I would have to leave my house by 6:00 -6:15 AM daily, on good weather days.  That would mean J and C were on their own in the AM to get ready for school, and get out the door on time. What if they overslept?  What if they did not feel well? What if they were fighting  and arguing?  What if it were raining or cold out?  All of these thoughts popped into my mind and I started to cry.  The thought of making my kids get themselves off to school in the morning hit a nerve with me.  I like being here in the morning, telling them to have a good day, making sure Collin’s  clothes match, making sure notes and lunches are in the backpacks.  I am a mom first.  I want to be a mom first.  I need to be a mom first.

I am so struggling with this decision, that I cannot sleep or talk about anything else.  I called my Mom and told her.  I constantly talk about it with Mr. T.  I need someone to tell me what to do.  Is a huge paycheck worth it?  Does a huge paycheck make up for the fact that my kids will be latch key kids?  Does the huge paycheck make up for the fact that I would only see my kids about 2 hours a day?  Does a huge paycheck make up for the fact that I will miss every single baseball game, football game and talent show at school? 

 I am struggling with this.  I need to make money, and thinking that I not only would be making money, but enough money to pay all of my bills, pay student loans, maybe add another bathroom on the second floor, put in a rec room basement, live the American Dream?  Is all of that worth the sacrifice of being around for my kids?  I am so conflicted.  What is the right thing to do?

At this point, I don’t know.  I need to work.  I need to make money, but I also need to be a great parent and raise my kids.  I only get one shot at that, right?  I surely don’t want to screw that up!  I know the rest of this week is going to be spent contemplating, discussing, crying, sighing and not sleeping.  How does a person say no to an opportunity like this?  How does a Mom take a job that is more accurately described as a career?  Why does this have to be so hard?  Why can’t I hit the Powerball?

I guess , for now, I have to look at it like this:  I am so lucky!  I have friends that think enough of me to consider me for a job like this.  I am so flattered!  Wow…me, a career woman?  I know this is a good problem to have.  I know there are people who have been looking for work for a long time, and most people would not think twice about a decision like this.  Thing of it is, I am not most people.

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized