Growing up.

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I have always been a little on the cautious side when it comes to my kids.  Alright, actually a  bit more on the freakishly overprotective side.   I have been teased about it mercilessly from my family and friends over the last twelve years, but I don’t care.  They way I look at it, it is my job to protect my children, keep them safe because you don’t get a second chance.  There are enough freak shows around and scary stories on the news that make me want to keep my kids close by me and my eye on them at all times.  I never want to be the parent that says, “if only….”

Now that my oldest boy is growing up, sportin’ a little peach fuzz and getting ever so close to the scary teen years, I am trying hard to loosen up a little, slowly starting to snip the apron strings one thread at a time.  I have let him go to “Teen Night” at the local ice rink with his friends, no parents allowed.  The first time was really hard for me and I worried and paced the whole night.  Although the teen night ended at 10:30 PM, I told the boy that 9:00 was my limit and that his ride would be showing up promptly.  That was good enough for him at the time…until he got there and started having a ton of fun.  He called and asked if he could please, please, please stay until 10:30 PM.  I OK’d it, but only after talking with Eddie Haskell’s mom.  Eddie was there with the boy, and she was on board, so with a little pang in my stomach, I approved.

Now, my boy has never given me a reason to not trust him.  When I say be home at 6:00PM, he is walking in the door at 5:55PM.  When I told him under no circumstances should he ever cross over into the park across the street from his school, he never has.  I went to the same middle school and that park was notorious for gangs, smoking, a little drug action and worse.  It was the place the “bad kids” hung out before and after school and sometimes even during school.  My number one rule when he started that school was no park, not ever.  So far, he has not even looked that way, until recently.  A few weeks ago, as we pulled up to the curb, he asked if they could go over the park and hang out before the bell rang. Use your imagination, you will know what my response was to that request!  He was so angry with me, slammed the car door without saying goodbye, and sulked the whole way to the 6th grade door.  I felt terrible, but I was not going to cave.  Until I started sitting in my car, watching what exactly was going on in the park.  I noticed some of the boy’s friends, a lot of their friends.  They are playing touch football!  Nothing bad, no smoking.  As I watched with relief, I smiled when I saw the principal watching the innocent game of touch football, supervising along with one of the other staff members.  When the bell rang, the principal herded all of the kids up and they crossed the street all together, in the cross walk, of course.

When the boy came home that night, I told him I had a change of heart.  I told him what I had witnessed that morning and his response was “I know Mom, that is why we want to go over there.  We want to play football too.”  He was grateful for my change of rules and the next morning, the two asked if we could leave for school a little early.  I agreed and when we pulled up, they darted over to the park, dropped their back packs and joined the game already in progress.  The principal turned in my direction, smiled at me and gave me a friendly wave, almost as is he were saying, “It’s OK crazy mommy, I got it from here!”

Well, here we are with the first warm, spring like weekend.  Yesterday, the boy’s were outside all day.  Boy #1 and Eddie Haskell took their skateboards over to Eddie’s house, and I approved.  On their way, they ran into a couple kids they go to school with.  I don’t know these two boys very well, but I do know that they are good kids.   One of the kids mom used to head up the Market Day program at the elementary school, and I got to know her a little bit and the other boy’s mom owns a trendy little art gallery in town.  They both live in the neighborhood and although I don’t know them well enough to invite them out for coffee, I felt comfortable letting the Boy hang with these two boys.   My Boy called me and breathlessly said, “Mom, we are going to Nate’s house.  He has a half pipe in his backyard!”

The boys had a blast and my Boy was home right on time.  Each time they changed venues, he would call me and tell me where they were going to be.  Each time I said the same thing, “OK, thanks for letting me know!”  All night  he told me of the adventures they had that day, and I was so happy that he had fun, hung out with some nice kids and enjoyed the nice weather, which is so much better than sitting in front of the video games!

Today, right after lunch, Eddie called looking for the Boy.  Apparently, the same group of boys were going to meet on their bikes and ride around.  Off he went, just as excited as the day before.  About 15 minutes after he left, the phone rang and it was the Boy.  He wanted to know if he could ride his bike to the skateboard shop with the other kids.  Well, my first reaction was a firm “absolutely not.”  The skate shop is about two miles away, all of the travel time on a very busy street, passing the home of a very strange, clearly disturbed man that tries to sell empty milk jugs in front of his house along with other pieces of garbage.  I could sense in my Boy’s voice that if I did not let him go, he would never forgive me until the end of time.  I got the typical “everyone else gets to go, PLEASE MOM!”  I knew I had to let him go.   And I did, but not without feeling like I was going to cry (I didn’t) and not without feeling nervous and a little jumpy about it.  After all, isn’t a rite of passage, to cruise around town on your bike with the cool kids?  I remember doing the same thing when I was a  kid.  I reluctantly agreed, and gave him the “talking to” before we hung up.  “Do not talk to the strange man that tries to sell garbage, watch for cars, stay together and keep your cell phone on.”  He did just that, and within an hour he called and said that they were almost back to our neighborhood and everything went fine.  I could tell that he felt a little more grown up, proud to have been given that privilege.  I am proud of myself too.  This was a big step for me today.  I think we are both growing up!  I bumped into my niece at Target and I told her what transpired today.  I said, “you are never going to guess what I let the Boy do today”  When I told her, she smiled at me, patted my shoulder and said “Good for you Auntie, good for you!”

No one said this parenting thing would be easy, and let me tell you it’s not!  But it is the best, most rewarding thing I have ever done.  And hopefully as I snip threads one by one from the apron strings, my boys will grow up happy, healthy and safe from strange men selling garbage.

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